DIDN’T

I gave you pieces of my soul that I wanted not
The pain and disdain, I showed you my shame
All the pieces that drove me insane
Coz I thought if you could love them
I would at least learn to accept them
But you didn’t
So I didn’t

I gave you pieces of my mind that I loved not
The pieces that were loud and proud
That sang Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud
Coz you’d said you’d love any piece I’d throw around
And I rejoiced for in your arms a new home I’d found
But you didn’t
And I hadn’t

I gave you pieces of my heart that I cared for a lot
The peace and serenity
The calm and the insanity
Coz I thought if you could love the rest of me
Then at least you deserved the best of me
But you didn’t
No you didn’t
💔💖

Trizah Fay (c) 2017
#poetry #poetsofinstagram #lovelovelove #poeticconsciousness #stillhere

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Just a painting off your wall

I’m just a painting off your wall

Silent, helpless

What I had I’ve said it all

In my colors and my flaws

 

I’m just a painting off your wall

Watching, waiting

What I had I gave it all

Through my textures that you’d stroke

 

I’m just a painting off your wall

Pretty but lifeless

What I was you refuted it all

When you bought me at the mall

 

I’m just a painting off your wall

Deep but meaningless

Where I could be you decided it all

When you took me off that wall

Trizah Fay (c) 2017

Shall we

Shall we,

Dance the night away

Like we did when we were young

Like we had nothing to hide

And we smiled for being alive?

 

Shall we,

Laugh till the sun sets

Like we did way back then

Like we had a lot to celebrate

And we’d smile more than we like?

 

Shall we,

Feel, till the sun comes up

Touch, till the neck hairs stand up

Kiss, till our lips flare up

And hold on to each other like the future belongs to us?

 

For a moment, shall we love

Once more, and then again?

I don’t wanna remember tomorrow

As if my past is too full of sorrow

I wanna be here now, with a past to borrow

 

Hold my hand, lock my eyes

Whisper nothing, or maybe something

Let’s be alone together

No need to promise forever

Right now, be my soul’s shelter

Trizah Fay (c) 2017

Home

Is it where the grass is green, but not too green?

Where the cows and cocks wake you up before dawn?

Where Mum sings Amazing Grace every day?

Or Auntie wakes up at 3 in the morning to pray?

 

Is it where the car honks never stop?

Where there’s a fast food joint around the corner?

Where beer and gin never stop flowing?

Or where the stairs are so steep you get to the door barely breathing?

 

Is it in the arms of a sister I haven’t seen in years?

Where I share all my pain, let go of all my tears

Where stories are in plenty, and so are the fears

Or where there’s so much love even when there are no cheers?

 

Is it in my big ol’ bed, cold as can be?

Only six feet wide, but the distance unbridged

Where no love is lost, but the hearts grow cold

Or where silence reigns though there’s so much untold

 

Oh what a mystery

But till I find my home, I live in misery

Till I find my place, I’m lost in society

Till I claim my role, I risk my sanity

Trizah Fay (c) 2017

Black nights

Deep breaths, in and out

Mouth open, no chance to pout

Mind frozen, clogged with doubt

Yoga poses, to clear the clouds

Still I fail, pain I arouse

 

8 hours of agony that I live through each day

60 minutes of misery, multiply that by eight

I toss and turn, wishing to be gay

I whine and yawn, the ceiling seemingly sealing my fate

And that’s how I know that I’ll never be okay

 

Tell me, wise sir, what my crime must be

Coz as soon as the sun is down, my punishment I receive

My eyes, once sparkly, are now but puffy and dull

My heart, once happy, is now but pumpy and hurt

My body, once a haven, is now but a prison for my soul

 

Numbers, 100 backwards

Stories, shared with no words

Tears, flowing with no background

Silent sobs, muffled by a night so loud

Cold winds, sweep me into the ground

Trizah Fay (c) 2017

WHERE IS IT?

It’s in your eyes, when you tell me that you miss me

The sincerity in your gaze when you say how much you love me

The dreamy look deep down when you pull me in to kiss me

The conviction in your breathing when you make me feel your heart beat

 

It’s in your smile, when you listen to my stories

The calm in your voice when you rid me of my worries

The mirth in your laughs and the joy that it carries

The beauty of our times, with or without the monies

 

It’s in your body, beautiful as can be

Strong and toned, yet tender as can be

Gentle and smooth, yet wild as can be

No matter where we are, it’s in your arms where I wanna be

 

It’s in the magic that I feel when we touch

When my heart skips a beat like a bird out of its perch

When my body gets excited like my soul’s on pixie dust

When my mind is all at peace, sending you all my trust

 

It’s in your heart, pure and true

Not always, but that’s okay

It’s in your soul, and mine too

Together, for each other coming through

Trizah Fay © 2017

#whipped

 

 

JUST BECAUSE

Just because I love you so much
It don’t mean I’ll take you to church
I could love you to the moon and back
When you’re down, carry you on my back
And when you’re hot, risk getting burnt to find out what it’s about
But when you fuck me over, I’ll easily walk out

Just because I said I do
Doesn’t mean I’m bound to you
To be with me you gotta stay true
Coz my mama done raise no fool
I’m only yours if you’re mine
Or else you out like bad wine

But just because I say all this shit
Don’t mean my heart ain’t in it
I speak tough coz I gotta
But you know I’ll always love you harder
For better or for worse
Even long after the end has passed

Just because I love you now
Don’t mean I’ll stop by the morrow
Believe you me I’m such a moron
And loving you is my religion
This heart of mine lacks in liquidity
That’s how I know I’ll love you to infinity

Trizah Fay (c) 2017

GREY SKIES

I think about you each and every day

And I remember your face like it was yesterday

I remember your smile when you looked my way

And I remember the hesitation in your gait as you walked away

These memories haunt me more when the sky turns grey

 

Coz when the sky turns grey

My luck begins hide and seek to play

So many bad things often come my way

And I can barely stand tall, try as I may

In the end I stagger more than I can sway

 

When the sky turns grey

A lot of obstacles stand in my way

A lot of limitations block my way

A lot of shadows define my day

And a lot of tears soak my pillow where you once lay

 

When the sky turns grey

It’s for my sins I pay

For my redemption I pray

And I regret why I didn’t beg you to stay

Why the green beast I didn’t slay

 

When the sky turns grey

I feel so frail

My dreams I derail

And that’s how I fail

My heart, hollow like an empty pail

 

When the sky turns grey

I wish all my sorrows away

Take this away from me, I pray

I didn’t mean all the things that I did say

There’s a part of me that thought you’d really stay

 

Now the skies are grey

And to my pain I’m falling prey

From the sane path I really don’t wanna stray

But my insanity is done with the delay

So I’m going on my knees, and it’s the last time I’ll pray

 

Next time the sky is grey

I will not look upon my life in dismay

And I will not think of the things that you didn’t say

Next time the sky turns grey

I’ll just thank God for giving me another day

Trizah Fay © 2016

 

NO MORE

I used to think that you were my sun

And I couldn’t live without you even if I tried

I thought someday we’d have a son

And you’d go soft each time he cried

I looked forward to the trip to your motherland

And pictured the scenery that would leave me tongue tied

This is just a few of sweet things that kept me up each night

 

I used to dream of us in some remote location

Malindi mostly, in some cute hidden mansion

Devouring each other, with no distraction

Loving and hugging with so much passion

Baring our souls like we’re seeking absolution

With each day, you’d assure me that it was no apparition

And together we’d watch the sunset, full of satisfaction

 

I used to think of you as my reason for living

Without your warm embrace I’d have no reason for breathing

I used to love you so much I’d give you my everything

Without your generous kisses I’d completely have nothing

I used to live in a bubble, and it was of your doing

Sleeping beside you, I’d just be happy listening to you breathing

You were perfection, and when we met, in love I started believing

 

You are beautiful in so many ways

And I’m glad you brightened a lot of my days

You’re amazing, and I know you’ll be okay

Because right now I really have to walk away

The dreams are done, and in this fantasy I cannot stay

If this was meant to be I know we’ll meet again someday

But for now, I gotta get back to my life with Andre

 

He may not have a pink pout, but he loves me without a doubt

He may not have a six pack, but I know he always has my back

He may not drive a Lexus or live in a huge house

He sees my strengths and acknowledges my flaws

He holds my hand even when I’m baring my claws

And above all, he shows me heaven every time he holds me close

You are my old prescription, and he’s my new dose

Trizah Fay © 2016