SHEPHERD OF MY SOUL

It’s been a while since we spoke

And each time I try, on my words I choke

I know you promised to be my rock

But I also know that when I’m silent your blessings I block

So let’s just say I’m here coz I need to talk

And not just coz those blessings I want to unlock

Honestly, I really need to talk

 

It’s been a rough couple of months

My life is too similar to the moths

I’m drawn to a flame

Knowing well that it’s too lame

Coz when I burn there’s no one else to blame

And it’s not really like I’m in it for the fame

It’s not even like I think it’s a game

But I keep putting myself to shame

 

Do I know what to do? Yes, I can read

Do I know how to do it? Yes, I can follow Your lead

So why don’t I? I don’t know, maybe it’s the greed

Have I tried? Yes, but I never succeed

Did I ask for help? No, I like being off the grid

Is that a good idea? Of course not, I should ask You to lead

 

That’s why for your guidance I plead

You’re my only hope if I’m to succeed

You’re the only one that truly I need

And for Your mercy I now plead

I know you’ve seen my heart bleed

I know many times my hurt you’ve healed

And I know that my part I haven’t played

 

So this is me now, playing it

If it’s salvation, I’m confessing it

If it’s my birthright, I’m claiming it

And if it’s Your will, I’m bending to it

Do with me as You see fit

Reign over me as I kneel at Your feet

Reign in me if You will it

Trizah Fay © 2016

I RISE

I rise

Every morning, noon and night

Wanting to respond to your every plight

Living for the moments when you’re filled with delight

Just to look into your eyes, oh the sparkle is so bright

 

I rise

Knowing that fickle is my prize

Caring not for the pain or the despise

Hoping some day for a pleasant surprise

This hope that I hold will be the cause of my demise

 

Still I rise

Not for the allure of the kisses I hope to steal

Not even for the love that my heart will not conceal

I rise for the reason that my feelings are real

I rise, for my feelings are stronger than my will

 

Still I rise

Like a moth to a flame

A servant to his dame

Like an artist to fame

To you I’m just but a slave

 

That I rise to give you all my devotion

Without fail or need for appreciation

Makes me wonder if there’s a different rendition

Where you love me and you show consideration

Where you care, and hold back on the negation

Trizah Fay © 2017

 

 

DIDN’T

I gave you pieces of my soul that I wanted not
The pain and disdain, I showed you my shame
All the pieces that drove me insane
Coz I thought if you could love them
I would at least learn to accept them
But you didn’t
So I didn’t

I gave you pieces of my mind that I loved not
The pieces that were loud and proud
That sang Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud
Coz you’d said you’d love any piece I’d throw around
And I rejoiced for in your arms a new home I’d found
But you didn’t
And I hadn’t

I gave you pieces of my heart that I cared for a lot
The peace and serenity
The calm and the insanity
Coz I thought if you could love the rest of me
Then at least you deserved the best of me
But you didn’t
No you didn’t
💔💖

Trizah Fay (c) 2017
#poetry #poetsofinstagram #lovelovelove #poeticconsciousness #stillhere

Just a painting off your wall

I’m just a painting off your wall

Silent, helpless

What I had I’ve said it all

In my colors and my flaws

 

I’m just a painting off your wall

Watching, waiting

What I had I gave it all

Through my textures that you’d stroke

 

I’m just a painting off your wall

Pretty but lifeless

What I was you refuted it all

When you bought me at the mall

 

I’m just a painting off your wall

Deep but meaningless

Where I could be you decided it all

When you took me off that wall

Trizah Fay (c) 2017

Shall we

Shall we,

Dance the night away

Like we did when we were young

Like we had nothing to hide

And we smiled for being alive?

 

Shall we,

Laugh till the sun sets

Like we did way back then

Like we had a lot to celebrate

And we’d smile more than we like?

 

Shall we,

Feel, till the sun comes up

Touch, till the neck hairs stand up

Kiss, till our lips flare up

And hold on to each other like the future belongs to us?

 

For a moment, shall we love

Once more, and then again?

I don’t wanna remember tomorrow

As if my past is too full of sorrow

I wanna be here now, with a past to borrow

 

Hold my hand, lock my eyes

Whisper nothing, or maybe something

Let’s be alone together

No need to promise forever

Right now, be my soul’s shelter

Trizah Fay (c) 2017

Home

Is it where the grass is green, but not too green?

Where the cows and cocks wake you up before dawn?

Where Mum sings Amazing Grace every day?

Or Auntie wakes up at 3 in the morning to pray?

 

Is it where the car honks never stop?

Where there’s a fast food joint around the corner?

Where beer and gin never stop flowing?

Or where the stairs are so steep you get to the door barely breathing?

 

Is it in the arms of a sister I haven’t seen in years?

Where I share all my pain, let go of all my tears

Where stories are in plenty, and so are the fears

Or where there’s so much love even when there are no cheers?

 

Is it in my big ol’ bed, cold as can be?

Only six feet wide, but the distance unbridged

Where no love is lost, but the hearts grow cold

Or where silence reigns though there’s so much untold

 

Oh what a mystery

But till I find my home, I live in misery

Till I find my place, I’m lost in society

Till I claim my role, I risk my sanity

Trizah Fay (c) 2017

Black nights

Deep breaths, in and out

Mouth open, no chance to pout

Mind frozen, clogged with doubt

Yoga poses, to clear the clouds

Still I fail, pain I arouse

 

8 hours of agony that I live through each day

60 minutes of misery, multiply that by eight

I toss and turn, wishing to be gay

I whine and yawn, the ceiling seemingly sealing my fate

And that’s how I know that I’ll never be okay

 

Tell me, wise sir, what my crime must be

Coz as soon as the sun is down, my punishment I receive

My eyes, once sparkly, are now but puffy and dull

My heart, once happy, is now but pumpy and hurt

My body, once a haven, is now but a prison for my soul

 

Numbers, 100 backwards

Stories, shared with no words

Tears, flowing with no background

Silent sobs, muffled by a night so loud

Cold winds, sweep me into the ground

Trizah Fay (c) 2017